April 29, 2008

Misheard Lyrics

'Scuse me while I kiss this guy.

Posted by Charles Austin at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)

September 05, 2007

Imagine Frank Sinatra Singing...

Call a lawyer and Hsu me, Hsu me, what can you do me? Hillary?

Instapundit has a number of better puns.

Posted by Charles Austin at 09:40 PM | Comments (0)

July 19, 2007

Be Careful What You Wish For

Work on Texas border wall to begin soon: Chertoff

Reminds me of an old joke whose punch line goes, "fill it with water."

Posted by Charles Austin at 06:25 PM | Comments (0)

April 07, 2006

Not Shelves, Walls You Imbeciles!

Senate Vote Shelves Immigration Bill

Posted by Charles Austin at 07:45 PM | Comments (0)

August 11, 2005

Woo Hoo!

I won again, this time at a new site!

Come on folks, that's gotta be worth something.

Posted by Charles Austin at 01:29 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2005

Thank You, God

Blackadder V is coming soon to a small screeen near you:

Curtis always works with people he likes. There's Working Title producers Eric Fellner and Tim Bevan; Dawn French, the Vicar of Dibley and Comic Relief compatriot; and Rowan Atkinson, whose collaborations with Curtis include television and cinema's Mr Bean and TV's Blackadder, which is to enjoy a fifth series next year.

That's the best news I've heard for quite some time.

Posted by Charles Austin at 12:17 PM | Comments (3)

May 09, 2005

Must Suppress Instincts ... This Is a PG Blog

The punch lines to so many bad jokes just keep coming to mind...

Posted by Charles Austin at 02:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 11, 2005

Who Knew Mark McGwire Is a Catholic Priest?

Disgraced Cardinal Says Memorial Mass for Pope

Posted by Charles Austin at 09:33 PM | Comments (1)

March 15, 2005

Maybe LaRussa Thinks Jose Canseco Is Dan Brown's Ghostwriter

Top Cardinal Blasts 'Da Vinci Code' as 'Cheap Lies'

Posted by Charles Austin at 04:14 PM | Comments (2)

February 17, 2005

Well, They Do Say "Be Very Quiet" On Submarines

Say, I wonder if they are issuing spears and magic helmets when SSN 23 is commissioned.



Whoa! The similarity is eerie.

(First picture and previous hyperlink courtesy of Lucianne.com. Pictures of swift, silent killers leaving a wake courtesy of the Jimmy Carter Library and the US Navy. You'll have to figure out which picture is which on your own.)

Posted by Charles Austin at 06:35 PM | Comments (0)

October 07, 2004

Speaking of Red Pills Behind the Sofa Cushions...

Didn't you used to be...


Cowboy Kurtis?

(Note: This will be cross-posted at Protein Wisdom if I can ever figure out how to get in.)

Posted by Charles Austin at 08:46 PM | Comments (0)

January 17, 2004

Strange Typos

While reading up on Graham Chapman, I found this which I don't think this is quite right:

From the outset, Chapman was honest about his sexual orientation. This would sometimes result in hostel responses from the public.

Maybe it's just me, but in this context I think a "hostel response" might have an entirely opposite meaning to what I believe the author intended.

Posted by Charles Austin at 06:05 PM | Comments (1)

January 12, 2004

Arnold Rises to the Occasion

Michele has the best unintentionally humorous photo I've seen in quite some time. Stop on by and enter your own caption. Michele thinks I may need an intevention due to the number of captions I've left. Apparently, she hasn't been by Dodd's (weekly) Caption of the Day Contest for quite some time.

Posted by Charles Austin at 08:42 PM | Comments (0)

November 01, 2003

Best Halloween Costume 2003

A little boy with a Cardinals jersey all decked out in the tools of ignorance, but with a rubber chicken in his catcher's mitt. Can you guess what he was?

Chicken catcher Torre.

Posted by Charles Austin at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)

October 08, 2003

A Contest

Cruz Bustamante is as useful as ______________________.

Keep it clean.

Posted by Charles Austin at 09:46 PM | Comments (4)

September 04, 2003

When Networks Attack!

Matt Drudge listed the two stories next to each other today:

Fox attacks girl in her bedroom

Fox News gains, other news networks fall

Posted by Charles Austin at 10:24 PM | Comments (1)

August 31, 2003

wOO hOO!

Well, I didn't win, but partially because I was called in to be the judge at the last minute for this last week's Daily Caption Contest over at Ipse Dixit. The winning captions were pretty good, so go give 'em a look.

Posted by Charles Austin at 11:02 AM | Comments (0)

August 28, 2003

Don't Tell Frank!

Ms. Condoleezza Rice says:

The Bush administration has parted company with America's allies on many issues, most notably with the U.S. decision early this year to lead the war in Iraq without firm backing from the United Nations. Other disagreements have involved the environment, a nuclear test ban treaty and the international criminal court, among other issues. Rice said differences of opinion are bound to happen, and that too much should not be read into them when they occur. "Occasionally, we'll have differences," she said in the interview. "But that does not mean that the United States does not value its allies, does not value the opinions of its allies. And it, most especially, does not mean that we don't need allies." Rice also rejected the interviewer's comparison of the United States to the Roman Empire, which sought to acquire foreign countries.

"The United States has no imperial ambitions," she said.

Wait until the Rumsfeld Strangler hears this!

Posted by Charles Austin at 10:53 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2003

Caption Contest

I failed miserably at following Dodd's instructions, but nonetheless this week's Caption Contest has been posted. Dodd's e-mail filter ate my post accusing me of being infected or diseased or something, so here it is for posterity:

There’s nothing like judging a caption contest to make you realize how difficult it is to select just one from the quality and quantity offered. My hat’s off to Dodd and all of his guest judges for their valiant efforts and making my task especially difficult as I try to keep up with their work. This week, 14 entrants submitted 95 entries. I was tempted to just list them all under Will Vehrs, but felt that wouldn’t be fair to everyone else, though Will had more entries this week than there were entries and participants last week. I was also tempted to have co-winners, but it was impossible to narrow it down below about 8 co-winners, so I buckled down, pulled on my boots, wedged into my Speedos, put on my special hat -- and pricked one out.

I'd like to thank Dodd for giving me the opportunity and all the entrants for their bon mots, cruel jibes, truly off-the-wall ideas, and witty repartee. I would especially like to thank Will for causing me to expend at least one additional hour to complete the effort this week, but that was an impressive list. I look forward to doing it again.

Posted by Charles Austin at 11:10 AM | Comments (1)

August 01, 2003

The Return of Comical Ali

Uh huh:

A new audiotape purportedly from Saddam Hussein, broadcast on Friday, forecast that U.S. and British forces would soon be defeated by Iraqi resistance.

"Our belief is strong that God will grant us victory and we are confident that the moment for the foreign army to collapse is possible at any moment," said the tape aired by Al Jazeera satellite television. The voice sounded like Saddam's.

Posted by Charles Austin at 10:04 PM | Comments (0)

Caption Of The Week

I am guest judge this week over at Dodd Harris' Caption of the Day contest. Hop on over and give it your best shot -- even if it is only a weekly event. Somebody's gotta beat Will Vehrs this week. You have until next Thursday.

Posted by Charles Austin at 08:57 PM | Comments (2)