Another season approaches. Our eighteenth consective season for the IF(F)FL. To uphold tradition, and you know how conservative I am, I must pack up and move my team again.
Having bought into all the propaganda concerning anthropomorphic global warming last season and thinking it best to move to the most inhospitably cold climate on earth, at least according to most serious journalistic institutions, the Savage Afghan Winters wore many excess layers of clothing to compensate for the rigors of the new climate. The subsequent dehydration and heat strokes led to a rather poor and miserable IF(F)FL record, so we are leaving Afghanistan firmly secure in the knowledge that it isn’t quite as bad as it is made out to be. Kind of like anthropomorphic global warming when you think about it. But that begs the question of where these restless nomads will pitch their tents this season.
Since we hocked all our thermal underwear for travel money, I figured we better move somewhere reliably warm. Having had some experience with the climate of Alabama, I think that will do. In fact, we’ll be settling in south Alabama, a few miles from Evergreen in the little hamlet of Nymph. No doubt, you’ll be glad to know that our endless susceptibility to the latest ungrounded political and cultural fashions surges unabated by any of the hard knocks such transient, emotional choices have delivered in the past -- call it the triumph of hope over experience. So without further ado, prepare yourself for the IF(F)FL onslaught of the Nymph “O” Maniacs.
Here's our team logo:
Wish me luck!
An Internet outage prevented any posting this past weekend. Fun and games will resume in week 4.
0-7-1 so far this week, or down another $2,200, leaving the pot at $7,430. I hope someone is using me as a very strong negative indicator somewhere where doing so is legal.
Let's get this over with as quickly as possible. I'm revising one bet and adding another for tonight's game. I'd go higher, but my repect for law and order requires that I must stay within the rules. Man, I wish I had allowed parlays and teasers.
Washington Redskins +7 over Philadelphia for $1,000
Washington Redskins and Philadelphia Eagles over 39 for $1,000
The results from week 1 were decidedly mixed, down $370 for the week leaving the pot at $9,630. I think maybe I should remember to avoid overs in week 1.
New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts over 53 for $200
Chicago Bears + 5.5 over the San Diego Chargers for $100
Philadelphia Eagles - 2.5 over the Green Bay Packers for $200
Miami Dolphins and Washington Redskins Over 35 for $100
Carolina Panthers and St. Louis Rams Over 42.5 for $100
Dallas Cowboys - 5.5 over the New York Giants for $200
Tennessee Titans +7 over the Jacksonville Jaguars for $100
Pittsburgh Steelers - 4.5 over Cleveland Browns for $100
Overall record 3-5.
On tap for this week we have:
Pittsburgh Steelers and Buffalo Bills over 38 for $200
Cincinnati Bengals -8 over Cleveland Browns for $200
Carolina Panthers -6.5 over Houston for $200
New Orleans Saints -4 over Tampa Bay Buccaneers for $200
Minnesota Vikings +3 over Detroit Lions for $200
Seattle Seahawks -2.5 over Arizona Cardinals for $200
Chicago Bears and Kansas City Chiefs over 34.5 for $500
New York Jets and Baltimore Ravens over 33 for $500
Washington Redskins +7 over Philadelphia for $200
Remember, play money only. Watch for me on TV at the Rams - 49ers game today.
Here are the rules.
1. I start with $10,000.
2. I must bet on at least half the games each week during the NFL season.
3. Bets can range from $100 - $1,000 per game.
4. I can bet on either the winner against the published line and/or the over/under on any game.
5. The vig is 10%.
6. All results will be published here.
The game tomorrow night with the New Orleans Saints at the Indianapolis Colts has the Colts going off at -6 and an over/under of 53. I haven't had a chance to do a lot of analysis, but we have two dome teams with good offenses and average defenses teeing it up under ideal conditions. It looks like a sucker bet since it is more than a touchdown higher than any other game this week. You just don't see numbers this high in the NFL too often, but I am a contrarian. $200 on the over.
Current pot: $10,000.
Ten players you are going to wish were on your fantasy football team at the end of the season, or at least you could have got for less than they will be worth then (in no particular order):
Seven teams, three championships.
Oh yeah, another reason why blogging has been light...
I am in thirteen fantasy football leagues this year, which is way, way too many. Eleven of them are ESPN leagues, and I made the playoffs in eight of them. I am now in the finals of all eight of them as well. In one of the other leagues, I made the playoffs but havenow been eliminated. Que sera sera.
In the most important league, a keeper league which I have been part of now for thirteen years, we are down to the final four, and yes, I am still in it. I will spare you all the details... for now.
In related news, I think Terrell Owens may be the most talented, unsportsmanlike asshole in the NFL, but I'm still sorry to see him hurt. Especially because we now won't get to see Andy Reid in tights. Well, there's always next year. I hate to see anyone physically hurt. Which brings me to Robert Ferguson and DD. A brutal hit that was unnecessary, but I don't think DD was trying to paralyze him. Safeties do look to inflict punishment, that's a fact of the NFL. But punishment and injury are two different things. It is easy to forget how fast everything happens in the NFL.
Anyway, I get to watch the greatest show on turf here in St. Louis and the three ring circus that is Mike Martz. Lucky me.
I'll spare you the details and give you the results.
Eight teams, five made the playoffs, and I won two championships. Last year I won two championships with only five teams, so maybe I'm slipping. Then again, and most significantly, I won the league I've been in for thirteen years now for the first time, and since it's a dynasty league... Michael Vick, Tom Brady, Rex Grossman, Carson Palmer, Priest Holmes, Jamal Lewis, Rudi Johnson, DeShaun Foster, Warrick Dunn, Torry Holt, Marty Booker, Rod Gardner, Ashley Lelie, Tony Gonzalez, Ryan Longwell, and the Baltimore Ravens defense/special teams may mean I'll just skip the draft next year altogether.
Two teams in a playoff league, won one. In the one I didn't win, I picked fifth from what was left after the other teams had already drafted and still finished third, so we'll call that a moral victory. The league commissioner claimed after week two that I'd have trouble not finishing fifth. Hah!
I have about a ten-thousand word post that's halfway done on the NFL this year, but I've abandoned it. You're welcome. And it would reveal too many secrets to my competitors about my strategery that is so often misunderestimated!
All in all, a good year that had the potential to be great. But that's why there is always next year.
Oh don't you cry for me...
Yea, she lost the bet.
It's so close I can smell it.
DOWNDATE: Smell's good.
I might accept the following trade: Peyton Manning and Jerome Bettis for Jamal Lewis and Randy Moss.
Either my opponent thinks I'm a rube or he's living in bizzaro fantasy football land where an above average QB and an almost washed up RB are worth a top 10 RB and a top 3 WR. But hey, it could be both.
The roster for my team in this league (I have seven teams in seven leagues this year -- enough to frustrate the domestic bliss of seven brides married to seven brothers, but I digress):
QB Jeff Garcia
QB Tom Brady
QB Kordell Stewart
RB LaDanian Tomlinson
RB Jamal Lewis
RB James Stewart
RB Stacey Mack
WR Randy Moss
WR Torry Holt
WR Donald Driver
WR Rod Gardner
WR Marty Booker
TE Marcus Pollard
TE Shannon Sharpe
K Mike Vanderjagt
D Atlanta Falcons
This is only an 8-team league, so it looks a little more stacked than it otherwise might. Before the season starts, I'll bore you with the rosters of all my teams. I was in 5 leagues last year and made the playoffs in all of them, winning one championship. The jewel in the crown is the 12-team dynasty league that is entering its 13th year (though only 4th as a dynasty league), which this year is based in the little town of Wright, AL, and is known as the Wright Brothers. Unfortunately, I cannot discuss this team and my plans yet, since it would reveal crucial state secrets prior to the annual draft. But the Brothers did keep the following players heading into this year's draft:
QB Michael Vick
QB Tom Brady
RB Priest Holmes
RB Jamal Lewis
RB Amos Zereoue
WR Torry Holt
WR Rod Gardner
WR Marty Booker
WR Ashley Lelie
TE Tony Gonzalez
Are you ready for some (fantasy) football (commentary)?