Sine Qua Non

Woo Hoo!

I won again. Thanks, Rodney.

Caption Contest

He's got the whole whirl in his hands...

Has Al Gore been putting on weight? Well, let me put it like this, the mass of Al's pinkie has surpassed the threshold necessary to become a black hole.

Image copied from here.

Enter your own if you like in the comment section.

Woo Hoo!

I won again!

Woo Hoo!

I won again!

If Only I Were Running Caption Contests

Presenter Danny Glover, left, kisses Harry Belafonte backstage after Belafonte received the BET humanitarian award during the 6th annual BET Awards on Tuesday, June 27, 2006, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Danny Moloshok)

Putin kisses boy's stomach.

We Have a Winner for These Losers

Two good entries, but the best for this:

Was Jon's: "Yeah, we can't seem to do that Vulcan greeting thingy with our hands either."

Salut!

John Conyers Practices His Impeachment Hearings

Either that or they spontaneously burst into a version of Day-O by Harry Belafonte as though possessed by Beetlejuice:

This picture was snapped mere moments before the Three Amigos finish their song with a flourish and a pelvic thrust. Surely you can think of a caption before I close the contest and declare a winner sometime next week.

(h/t to Lawrence for the pretty picture which first appeared here.)

"Kobe, I'm Open"

Title in honor of this weeks winning entry for:

A Chinese man rests as his colleague works at being the mascot to the newly completed IKEA Siyuanqiao store in Beijing, China, Monday, April 10, 2006. IKEA on Monday unveiled its new outlet in Beijing that will be its biggest in Asia, a seven-story, US$100 million behemoth that the Swedish furniture maker hopes will put it ahead in China's thriving but crowded market. (AP Photo/Ng Han Guan)

Mr. Right: Gee, the Lakers bench is looking mighty thin this year...

The quantity was low but the quality was high for the entries this fortnight.

"Thriving, But Crowded Market"

Is that supposed to be funny? Somebody come up with a better caption to this:

A Chinese man rests as his colleague works at being the mascot to the newly completed IKEA Siyuanqiao store in Beijing, China, Monday, April 10, 2006. IKEA on Monday unveiled its new outlet in Beijing that will be its biggest in Asia, a seven-story, US$100 million behemoth that the Swedish furniture maker hopes will put it ahead in China's thriving but crowded market. (AP Photo/Ng Han Guan)

This will have to tide you over until I get back next week to pick a winner.

SQNPCC #8

Not to put too fine a point on it, I'm heading out to Pinehurst for the rest of the week, so I better hurry up and tell you who won.

Iranian artists perform as they hold up samples of enriched uranium after Iran said on Tuesday it had produced low-grade enriched uranium, in Mashad, April 11, 2006. (Stringer/Reuters)

Jon takes the yellowcake this time with: "Glory be to the Bomb, and to the Holy Fallout. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen."

Lot's of good entries this week. Thanks to everyone who participated. Now, if only Rodney had played a little fast and loose with the free word association and pushed the They Might Be Giants theme just a little farther...(I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend, but I'm your little glowing friend, but, really, I'm not actually your friend, but I am...)... things might have come out differently. Oh well, that's a plame, uh, I mean, um, shame.

Oh, by the way, in other news, Woo Hoo! I won again!

Una Paloma Ummah

Or, I still don't get performance art. It's time for another Caption Contest (#8).

Iranian artists perform as they hold up samples of enriched uranium after Iran said on Tuesday it had produced low-grade enriched uranium, in Mashad, April 11, 2006. (Stringer/Reuters)

Contest will last until I declare a winner.

SQNPCC #7

I can see clearly now, jihad is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared -- we have a winner!

Mr. Right: The ever-vigilant paparazzi afford us a rare glimpse of Michael Jackson out for a stroll near his new children's petting zoo in Bahrain.

Perhaps I should add another item to my list of ever-changing, ever-growing, yet curiously non-binding caption contest judging criteria, to wit, that any legitimate, timely reference to the movie Three Kings featuring a variant of, "What is the problem with Michael Jackson?" has a pretty good chance of winning in any given week.

Sorry for the delayed judging, work had me on the road...

Hey, I Can See Right Through Their Thobes

It's time for another Caption Contest (#7).

A veiled Jordanian woman uses a special filter to view a partial eclipse of the sun in the Jordanian capital of Amman March 29, 2006. (Ali Jarekji/Reuters)

Contest will last until Tuesday.

SQNPCC #6

Apparently, the secret to minimizing my work in judging caption contest entries is to pick a difficult picture and immediately bury the post under about 28 inches of blog.

McGeehee, in a nod to the great vaudeville acts of yore came in with the best caption, the worst caption, the mean caption, the median caption and the mode caption, i.e., the only caption:

"Ah, Grasshopper -- you have been breaking bricks and rocks with your bare hands since before you could walk. Surely you can do this as well?"

"Master, I don't mind you calling me Grasshopper, but please don't call me Shirley."

Dosvidanya, my Georgian friend!

Zen and the Art of Crumbling Empire Maintenance

After a few weeks hiatus, it's time for another Caption Contest (#6).

Go ahead, give Pootie-Poot your worst.

DOWNDATE: Is it just me or does Putin remind anyone else of Dave Foley's succubus on The Kids in the Hall?

Woo Hoo!

I won again, sort of.

.. Five Ringy Dingy

Rodney knows what's on Monkeyboy's phone: (thinking) "Now that I've got Paris Hiltons phone list I've got it made."

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer during a conference at 3GSM World Congress in Barcelona, February 14, 2006. REUTERS/Albert Gea

Thanks to all who contributed this week. Keep up the good work, but don't get too carried away with my earlier caption contest criteria. As for me, I'm tired, still have a few hours work left tonight and I got to catch a plane at 7:00 AM. The SQNCC will take a one week hiatus while I am away. And so I'm off to Palm Springs and San Diego for 7 days. See y'all next week.

Woo Hoo!

I won again!

Don't forget to leave your own Monkeyboy text message below.

SQNCC #5

What's the text message on Steve Ballmer's phone that has him smiling?

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer during a conference at 3GSM World Congress in Barcelona, February 14, 2006. REUTERS/Albert Gea

SQNCC #4 Is In the Can

In honor of the Winter Olympics, I have selected Gold, Silver and Bronze winners winners this week.

Field Marshall Earl Kitchener Hussein says:

Gold -- Kevin Murphy (and Sgt. Fluffy): "You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!"

Silver -- Lynxx Pherrett: "Our destination is the planet Sha Ka Ree, which lies beyond the Great Barrier at the center of the galaxy."

Bronze -- Rodney: "I pay a dollah for that!"

I'd like to thank everyone that entered and especially those that mention this humble contest in their vastly more frequently visited blogs. Note to Rodney: generally speaking, brevity remains the soul of wit, but sometimes a great notion requires a few more words. In my undocumented, unpublished, unaccountable, and yet, highly variable scoring system, wit offers the highest degree of difficulty and therefore scores the most points, but pop culture references (the more obscure the better, but not so obscure that I don't get them), double entendres, triple entendres, show tunes, criticism of the NCAA, and flattering remarks give you the best chance to stand on the podium. And since the scoring results are multiplied rather than added to come up with a final score, the more tricks you can pack into your twizzle without falling down, the better. Oh, and cash bribes work well too.

We Have a Grinner

SQNCC #3 is over:

Some good entries this week, but I'm going with the shortest entry because it made me laugh the most:

Matt: "Take my wife.., PLEASE!!!"

Thanks to everyone who entered. Now go and make Lord Kitchener proud.

SQNCC #4

Field Marshall Earl Kitchener Hussein says:

Caption contest results next Monday. You still have a few hours to get in a caption of Bill and Hillary Clinton (and George and Laura Bush) yukking it up at Coretta Scott King's funeral.

This contest is closed.

Apres Moi le Deluge

One more day to join in the fun!

SQNCC #3

We all know funerals are for laughing and scoring partisan points:

Former Pres. Bill Clinton addresses those gathered at the Coretta Scott King funeral ceremony at the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, Ga. Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2006. With Clinton, is his wife, US Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. At rear is Pres. Bush and First Lady Laura Bush. (AP Photo/Ric Feld, Pool)

So do your worst. Winner announced next Monday.

Rest in peace, Mrs. King. The hope that you can be reunited with Dr. King is enough to make me wish there really is a heaven.

DOWNDATE: If only I'd seen the Saddam Shark sooner.

SQNCC #2 Final

We have another winner!

(AP Photo/Karim kadim)

Rodney Dill: Rumor has it that Saddam's defense attorney's have been coaching their key witnesses.

Of course, having only one entry made it an easy decision this week. I didn't think this would be that hard (Ed. Why do you assume people are reading?). Look up for a new contest.

When life gives you lemons make lemonade. By getting two entries this week I will increase the participation by 100%. Always, always aim high! Hmm..., I wonder what picking a cartoon might do for my sitemeter... ?

SQNCC #2

Sharpen your #2 wits and have at it:

(AP Photo/Karim kadim)

Winner announced next Monday.

Rejected Images for this week's contest:

(AP Photo/HO, USGS) ... (AP Photo/Wandera W'Ouma) ... (Rick Wilking/Reuters)

SQNCC #1

End in a tie...

Rodney Dill: I could've been president, I would've had the election in my pocket, if I just could've found my pants at the time.

Mr. Right: Ted Kennedy attempts to prove wrong all those who would dare to say that he doesn't know squat!

And a Special Musical Award Winner for Maggie:

You can walk like a duck, swim like a duck
Do just like ducks do
Quack like a duck, flap like a duck
Paste feathers all over you
You might smell like a duck, waddle in muck
An’ leave behind a lot'ta ducky-doo
But if you ain’t a genuine duck
FOLKS JUST MIGHT NOT
GIVE A DUCK 'BOUT YOU.