Rodney knows what's on Monkeyboy's phone: (thinking) "Now that I've got Paris Hiltons phone list I've got it made."
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer during a conference at 3GSM World Congress in Barcelona, February 14, 2006. REUTERS/Albert Gea
Thanks to all who contributed this week. Keep up the good work, but don't get too carried away with my earlier caption contest criteria. As for me, I'm tired, still have a few hours work left tonight and I got to catch a plane at 7:00 AM. The SQNCC will take a one week hiatus while I am away. And so I'm off to Palm Springs and San Diego for 7 days. See y'all next week.
Think about what you can accomplish in four years. Now think about what the UN can't:
Sexual abuse charges against U.N. peacekeepers remain unacceptably high due to a persistent "culture of dismissiveness" in field missions, a U.N. diplomat said on Thursday.
It could take three to four more years for a reform program to fully take hold, Jordan's U.N. ambassador, Prince Zeid Ra'ad Zeid al-Hussein, said in updating the U.N. Security Council on how the problem was being addressed.
Unbelievable, or should I say UN believable.
Charles needs to be comfortable with his Olympic roster.
Charles needs hernia operation after stretching awkwardly.
Charles needs expert help.
Charles needs an eartuck.
Charles needs lots of money.
Charles needs an army to put down Irish rebellion.
Charles needs assessment.
Charles needs a change of pants.
Charles needs a new home.
Go ahead and give it a Googlewhack.
Don't forget to leave your own Monkeyboy text message below.
Do you ever wonder if Andrew Sullivan wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks to himself, "Wow, maybe Bush has made the best of a terrible situation."
I have difficulty believing that 1 in 12 American's goes hungry without food from soup kitchens:
To combat hunger, more in US turn to soup kitchens
As the economy has steadily grown over the past four years, so too has the number of Americans going hungry. America's Second Harvest, the nation's largest charitable food distribution network, is now providing help to more than 25 million people, an 8 percent increase over 2001, the last time the organization did a major survey of its more than 200 food banks in all 50 states.
Simple math folks. That's all it takes to spot nonsense these days. But imagine how bad things would be if the economy were as bad as Paul Krugman keeps telling us it is.
Incidentally, these numbers also mean that on average, each America's Second Harvest food bank is feeding 125,000 people. I think it is a great and noble thing the folks at America's Second Harvest are doing to help people out, but please, but wild, unsustainable claims do not help their cause.
The End is Nigh!
Just in case you were under the impression that "college" infers some sort of wisdom or intelligence:
A Canadian university has limited Wi-Fi networks on campus, not out of information security concerns, but because the long-term safety of the technology is "unproven".
Meanwhile, on planet earth people continue to live ever longer, despite the omnipresent and ever growing risks the state can never do enough to protect us from.
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?
What might the press reaction have been if word had leaked out that, "Bush refuses to allow sale of British assets to UAE"? Wouldn't George Bush have been criticized for discriminating against Arabs and Muslims, being a hypocrite on free markets, and trying to instill paranoia and fear, or has Bush Derangement Syndrome become a thing of the past?
Especially when they are for free spech, except, of course, when they aren't. Or when they are for free markets, except, of course, when they aren't. Or when they want to fight the GWOT, except, of course, when they don't.
Though, admittedly, I use the word art very loosely here:
More than £25m in cash has been stolen from a depot in Kent after its security manager and his family were kidnapped by armed robbers...
Too bad this guy isn't as tough as Harrison Ford.
There is so much ignorance in this "news" story as to beggar belief:
An international team of scientists says the absence of sharks from abyssal regions of the world's oceans may mean some species are in danger of extinction.
The findings mean the world's oceans are about 70 percent shark-free, researchers said.
The oceans' abyssal zone remains in perpetual darkness at depths below 6,560 feet, with immense pressures of nearly five tons per square inch at its deepest.
It had been hoped that, as man explored deeper into the abyss, new shark species would be discovered. Scientists do not know why sharks are absent from the deep, but suggest one possible reason might be a lack of food.
They warn their finding has environmental implications. Professor Monty Priede, director of Oceanlab at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland said: "Sharks are already threatened worldwide by the intensity of fishing activity, but our finding suggests they may be more vulnerable to over-exploitation than was previously thought."
I leave it as an exercise to the reader to find at least three major holes in this "theory."
Oh Lord, must be Ahmadinejad:
Iran's foreign minister denied on Monday that Tehran wanted to see Israel "wiped off the map," saying President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had been misunderstood.
This doesn't sound any more credible coming from diplomats than it does coming from spoiled athletes.
"Nobody can remove a country from the map."
Not one, but two WSLS (Channel 10) meteorologists -- Marc Lamarre and Jamey Singleton -- have struggled with a heroin addiction in recent months, according to an interview with Singleton that aired on WSLS's late-night newscast Friday.
What's the text message on Steve Ballmer's phone that has him smiling?
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer during a conference at 3GSM World Congress in Barcelona, February 14, 2006. REUTERS/Albert Gea
In honor of the Winter Olympics, I have selected Gold, Silver and Bronze winners winners this week.
Field Marshall Earl
Kitchener Hussein says:
Silver -- Lynxx Pherrett: "Our destination is the planet Sha Ka Ree, which lies beyond the Great Barrier at the center of the galaxy."
Bronze -- Rodney: "I pay a dollah for that!"
I'd like to thank everyone that entered and especially those that mention this humble contest in their vastly more frequently visited blogs. Note to Rodney: generally speaking, brevity remains the soul of wit, but sometimes a great notion requires a few more words. In my undocumented, unpublished, unaccountable, and yet, highly variable scoring system, wit offers the highest degree of difficulty and therefore scores the most points, but pop culture references (the more obscure the better, but not so obscure that I don't get them), double entendres, triple entendres, show tunes, criticism of the NCAA, and flattering remarks give you the best chance to stand on the podium. And since the scoring results are multiplied rather than added to come up with a final score, the more tricks you can pack into your twizzle without falling down, the better. Oh, and cash bribes work well too.
I must say that's rather petulant and selfish of you though, depriving Ramsey Clark of one last opportunity to play the old fool one more time in his dotage.
DOWNDATE: Gratuitious Steely Dan lyric abuse:
Got a case of dynamite, I could hold out here all night.
Well I crossed George Bush back in Afghanistan, don't take me alive.
You know, it isn't living with it that has us troubled.
Well, sure, but let's be honest, the sun's rising alarms environmentalists. But who is it that has the permanently frightened's panites all in a bunch?
In his new book about Mr. Bush, "Rebel in Chief: Inside the Bold and Controversial Presidency of George W. Bush," Fred Barnes recalls a visit to the White House last year by Michael Crichton, whose 2004 best-selling novel, "State of Fear," suggests that global warming is an unproven theory and an overstated threat.
Ah, Michael Crichton. I suppose it's a character fault, but I do find it amusing to taunt those who's barely adequate psychic defenses cannot withstand the expression of any contradictory opinions. It does show you just how much faith they have in their ability to convince you of the correctness of their opinion, doesn't it?
Jimmy Roberts seems like a nice enough fellow, but wouldn't every second of his air time fit better on the Oxygen channel, or on panel with Dr. Phil? I like Bob Costas and think he is a first rate choice to host for NBC, but even his interminable attempts to generate controvery are becoming tiresome. Is it just me or does there seem to be more commercial time than actual comeptition time during prime time? When they have to brag about so many minutes of uninterrupted sports coming up, you realize that even they know it is excessive. NBC's coverage, as with all previous Olympic broadcasts is still a little too jingistic for me. Finally, the use of "Torino" instead of "Turin" is just precious, Presumably, NBC will now refer to the Shroud of Torino from this point forward should that stained cloth enter the news once again. Other that that, NBC seems to be doing a good job.
Short track speed skating seems ideal for NBC's desire to generate controversy. You never know who wins until the judges have reviewed the tape after the race. Meanwhile, you can be the unquestioned best in the world at a given distance but still be knocked out through no fault of your own. Or you can be advanced for being fouled, even if you wouldn't have been able to qualify. Finally, as Ohno notes, illegal team skating is rampant but virtually impossible to police. I have doubts that this event can ever be conducted in a fair manner.
Shani Davis is being unfairly maligned. Why should he sacrifice his chance at a medal to support Chad Hendrick's extreme longshot for five medals? Chad seems like a nice enough guy as well, but his attitude towards Shani do him a disservice.
Johny Weir and Bode Miller are incredible athletes. They are also first rate jerks and they are suddenly finding out finding that their popularity is based upon nothing other than pre-games hype and people's desire to attach themselves to a winner. Now that they haven't won, they are being treated more like the antisocial, disrespectful toads they seem to be.
Any bets that Jacobellis' hotdogging will be a standard element of the USOC training film for all athletes moving forward?
As in the summer olympics, I still believe sport should be about attributes like faster, stronger, higher, and farther; primarily because the winners can usually be identified objectively and unambiguously. Events like ice dancing are almost 100% subjective and hence ripe for abuse and nonsense. Mind you, I'm not saying that the cometitors in ice dancing aren't good athletes or that they haven't worked very hard, but hey, why not include "Drawing Binky" as an olympic event?
Is there a total absence of ice and snow in South America? What else would explain the apparent total absence of all the nations of South America in the the winter olympics?
Lest I leave you with the wrong impression, I am greatly enjoying watching the winter olympics in HDTV.
I still cannot fathom the lunacy that followed Vice President Dick Cheney's accidental shooting of his friend, Harry Whittington. Whether it is the conspiratorial nonsense of Alec Baldwin and friends or the foot-stomping childishness of the White House media, what exactly was the great threat to democracy caused by the media (not the public) not being informed for 24 hours? Watching the media's reaction, is it any wonder that the Vice President didn't immediately alert the media?
Most of the "humor" resulting from this is a little disturbing as well. Some of it has been funny, but I'm not sure making fun of somebody being shot is in good taste, unless, apparently, he is a rich white Republican.
FWIW, since Cheney pulled the trigger, I believe he is ultimately responsible no matter what Mr. Whittington did. You have to know what your shot (note to some members of the media, it was shot -- not bullets) is going to hit at all times. It should still be considered an accident, but I consider any attempt to blame Mr. Whiitington for being shot as ridiculous -- even if it Mr. Whittington blaming himself.
In commenting upon Hamas' shenanigans, Glenn Reynolds writes:
It really is like dealing with teenagers. Except, you know, for the murder part.
But, um, doesn't Dr. Helen specialize in teenage murderers?
Only eleven more hits to 100,00. Will you be my valentine?
DOWNDATE: I passed 100,000 just before midnight. Unfortunately, I cannot tell who the great soul was that put me over the mark, but thanks to everyone who drops by to read, laugh, bitch, compliment, agree, contradict, supplement, correct, or just gaze in shock and awe.
SQNCC #3 is over:
Some good entries this week, but I'm going with the shortest entry because it made me laugh the most:
Matt: "Take my wife.., PLEASE!!!"
Thanks to everyone who entered. Now go and make Lord Kitchener proud.
Field Marshall Earl
Kitchener Hussein says:
Caption contest results next Monday. You still have a few hours to get in a caption of Bill and Hillary Clinton (and George and Laura Bush) yukking it up at Coretta Scott King's funeral.
This contest is closed.
I don't think this is treasonous:
Former Vice President Al Gore told a mainly Saudi audience on Sunday that the U.S. government committed "terrible abuses" against Arabs after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, and that most Americans did not support such treatment. Gore said Arabs had been "indiscriminately rounded up" and held in "unforgivable" conditions. The former vice president said the Bush administration was playing into al-Qaida's hands by routinely blocking Saudi visa applications.
But it is utterly disgraceful. Whatever else I think of Jimmy Carter, and it isn't much, in my mind he's always been the second worst living American who previously held a high office in this country. Ramsey Clark grabbed the top spot long ago and held it firmly with his incessant anti-American antics. Now I think Jimmy's risen to third and Ramsey's been elevated up one spot from the bottom of the hole. Al Gore has taken a jackhammer to deepen of the pit of anti-Americanism that so many Democrats are gleefully leaping into these days. Wouldn't you like to see a repeat of the 2000 plebiscite between Al Gore and George Bush now?
Every time someone like the President says that it is only a small minority of Islamists that are the problem, I recall that there are an estimated 1,100,000,000 Muslims in the world. I believe that the President is correct when he says this but if this small minority is only 1% of all Muslims, that still leaves 11,000,000 nuts running around whose sole mission in life (and death) is to enlarge the Ummah and subjugate or kill the infidel by any means necesssary.
And some people want to deal with this as a criminal matter, that is, when they aren't also complaining about overcrowding in our jails.
DOWNDATE: Same math, different path: Google performs about 1,100,000,000 searches every four days. Google's founders assure us that less than 10% of these searches are for porn. If we assume a nominal number of searches, say, 5%, are for porn that equates to around 12,500,000 searches for porn each day -- on Google alone. But is porn really that difficult to find or is fetishism driving ever increasing specialization? Please, do not answer that question.
This is painfully funny. The Orient continues to miscomprehend the Occident. When will they learn that the best way to get more of something from today's hip, post-ironic, pop culture is to condemn it and declare it beyond the bounds of decency. Speaking as the parent of a teenager, let me also assure them that the best way to make something go away is to say, "Hey, I like that too."
Link via Tim Blair.
One more day to join in the fun!
It seems to me that the Angry Progressive Left concept that anyone who disagrees with them is evil strikes entirely the wrong note when applied to the Boy Scouts:
A state senator wants the Boy Scouts kept out of the governor's mansion because of what he calls the anti-gay positions of the national scouting organization. State Senator Thomas Duane of Manhattan was invited by the Twin Rivers Council of the Boy Scouts to join them at the Albany mansion. The group is planning a reception Thursday on character-building programs.
If the session is about building character, I have to wonder why Mr. Duane got invited to begin with.
My understanding was that we could no longer wait for a threat to become imminent:
Iran is prepared to launch attacks using long-range missiles, secret commando units, and terrorist allies planted around the globe in retaliation for any strike on the country's nuclear facilities, according to new US intelligence assessments and military specialists.
Let me make sure I understand this, we either allow Iran to get a nuclear weapon their president has shown a giddy desire to use to create havoc and kill many, many people, or they will create havoc and kill many, many people.
''When the Americans or Israelis are thinking about [military force], I hope they will sit down and think about everything the ayatollahs could do to make our lives miserable and what we will do to discourage them," said John Pike, director of the think tank GlobalSecurity.org, referring to Iran's religious leaders. ''There could be a cycle of escalation."
I gather a cycle of subjugation is preferrable then. Apparently, the old "you've got a nice country there, I'd hate to see anything bad happen to it" gambit still works.
Spot the problem here:
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid saddled up next to rancher-turned-politician Ken Salazar recently to discuss steps that could boost Democratic appeal in states like Colorado or his own Nevada. Democrats don't have to change their message, he said, they just need to don a good pair of boots and wade into the wheat fields of rural America to sell it.
I hope it hurts:
Saddam Hussein and the seven co-defendants in his trial are to start a hunger strike on Monday, the former Iraqi president's defense team said on Sunday, citing sources inside the detention center where they are being held.
Frankly, I still wonder about the long term viability of a civilization that requires what is best characterized as an alternate universe show trial for Saddam Hussein. Stalin's show trial victims where innocent but the verdict was never in doubt in his propaganda driven spectacles, whereas, in this case, Saddam's guilt is not seriously debatable, but sincere doubt as to whether he can be convicted is developing as we continue into what appears to be a multi-year procedural kabuki dance where the outcome becomes ever less clear, and Saddam and his supporters and enablers get the propaganda victory. The UN and Slobodan Milosevic have shown us the way.
Really, wouldn't it have been better if someone had just dropped a grenade down the spider hole? As when Caesar finally defeated Pompey at Pharsalus, the fact that Caesar had won wasn't enough. As long as Pompey was alive he would be a standard around which all of Caesar's enemies could rally. Had Saddam died in his spider hole, his shame would have been complete and eternal, perhaps the insurgency would not have been what it was having been robbed of its rallying point, and we would have been spared the embarrassing absurdity of this bearded Spock universe show trial.
Mark Steyn takes homonymic punnery to the next level while making some first rate points. So what else is new? Here's the first paragraph:
From Europe's biggest-selling newspaper, the Sun: ''Furious Muslims have blasted adult shop [i.e., sex shop] Ann Summers for selling a blowup male doll called Mustafa Shag."
Guess which part of this didn't cause offense. Hint: Michelangelo Antonioni could not be reached for comment.
Who else could get something like this published by the Associated Press:
"I'd be very pleased if Hillary Clinton would become the next American president," Schroeder said to applause from a largely Saudi audience at the Jeddah Economic Forum, which opened here Saturday.
Even former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder knew this was a mistake as soon as he said it.
"But don't quote me too loud. I hope I'm not harming her by saying that."
With friends like this, Senator Clinton is doomed to become nothing more than the matriarch of the Senate.
I don't spend as much time reading blogs as I used to, but I still marvel at the restraint that has kept anyone from using the phrase "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark" in any blog post I have read on the reaction of those whose worldview is threatened by twelve cartoons. Is it coincidence that the number of cartoons is twelve? Are Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his merry band of Twelver's facilitating this choas in an attempt to usher in the twelfth Mahdi? Hey, I'm just asking. After all, no less an authority than Condi Rice has indicated that Iran and Syria are violently exploiting the situation.
Sorry, but John Lennon beat you to the punch on this a long time ago:
Cocky rap star KANYE WEST is calling for a revised edition of THE BIBLE, because he thinks he should be a character in it. The JESUS WALKS hitmaker, who picked up three Grammy Awards last night, feels sure he'd be "a griot" (West African storyteller) in a modern Bible.
He says, "I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I'm an inspirational speaker. I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."
Mr. West used the word "I" five times in those forty-eight quoted words. Someone must have stripped all the parts about humility from his version of the Bible.
DOWNDATE: Anyone think this brave poseur would have the courage to call for a new version of the Koran, because, natch, he thinks he should be a character in it? After all, his lyrics fit a 14th century view of women quite well. I'd quote them here but this is nominally a PG blog.
Monday marks four years of blogging and I'm 401 hits shy of 100,000. Will I make it? If I do, would this mean I am 1/2,165th the blogger Glenn Reynolds is? Shouldn't I be happy about that?
I just wanted to document this further for posterity:
President Bush defended his federal budget blueprint Wednesday, countering critics from both sides of the aisle who have greeted with skepticism — and even outright hostility — his proposals to trim spending on Medicare and other programs.
Bush's $2.77 trillion budget plan for fiscal 2007, the most austere since the Reagan era, asks Congress to trim Medicare spending by $35.9 billion over five years. Under that scenario, spending on the government health program for the elderly and disabled would grow at a rate of 7.7 percent — instead of 8.1 percent, as currently projected.
All that was said about this on NPR's Morning Edition this morning was that Bush is cutting Medicare and they interviewed an advocate who lamented that this attempt to destroy Medicare will hurt the poor. Don't advocates for the poor realize how much credibility they lose when they say stupid things like this? Of course, anyone who thinks a growth rate of even 7.7 percent can be sustained indefinitely on a program this massive is a freaking dolt. It's not just a matter of all of us having to work for the government, it's that we will all soon enough be working for the governemnt just to provide Medicare. Jumping bejesus, where in Hell are the adults in Congress and in the media who will act like adults on this instead of conspiring to further a meme that, in Donald Luskin's words, keeps you poor and stupid.
But I'm curious about one thing for those who choose to call this a cut -- if you received a raise of 8.1 percent for each of the last four years but this year only got a raise of 7.7 percent, would you be standing at the water cooler complaining about how your boss just cut your salary this year?
The Paris Marriott could not be reached for comment:
Paris Hilton ordered to stay away from L.A. man
There's gotta be a Jim Morrison line in here somewhere.
Perhaps they know:
On Saturday in Vienna, Cuba, Venezuela and Syria voted against a resolution of the International Atomic Energy Agency to refer Iran to the UN Security Council over a nuclear program the West suspects is weapons-oriented.
I suspect Fidel, Hugo and Bashir will be damn disappointed if they can't find WMDs in Iran a few months from now as well.
The world has seven years to take vital decisions and implement measures to curb greenhouse gas emissions or it could be too late, British Prime Minister Tony Blair said on Tuesday.
But, hey, why sweat it? Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will bring about the return of the Twelfth Imam at the End of Days long before then. But the really weird thing is that our rough and toothless leaders won't do anything to stop this tough and ruthless nutjob.
This reminds me a lot of George Carlin's riff on comedy and death-related language:
Iran’s biggest-selling newspaper has waded into the Muhammad controversy by launching a competition to find the 12 "best" cartoons about the Holocaust.
But it gets better:
Farid Mortazavi, graphics editor for Tehran's Hamshahri newspaper, said that the deliberately inflammatory contest would test out how committed Europeans were to the concept freedom of expression.
And once this has been determined, what do you think he'll do with the information? Farid definitely does not have a better idea.
We all know funerals are for laughing and scoring partisan points:
Former Pres. Bill Clinton addresses those gathered at the Coretta Scott King funeral ceremony at the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, Ga. Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2006. With Clinton, is his wife, US Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. At rear is Pres. Bush and First Lady Laura Bush. (AP Photo/Ric Feld, Pool)
So do your worst. Winner announced next Monday.
Rest in peace, Mrs. King. The hope that you can be reunited with Dr. King is enough to make me wish there really is a heaven.
DOWNDATE: If only I'd seen the Saddam Shark sooner.
In response to a Brad Delong post calling Jonah Goldberg the stupidest man alive for saying something silly about buffalos (buffaloes, Mr. Quayle?) and Indians, I posted a comment there that went something like this:
So saying something that may be silly makes you the stupidest man in the world? Jeez, imagine how much damage you've just done to Howard Dean's self-esteem.
I cannot be certain of the exact wording because the comment disappeared. I thought, hey, maybe I screwed up and only previewed it, so I went back and posted a reasonable facsimile again, making sure I previewed and saved it this time. But once again, my post is no longer there.
Weird? Or is it?
Is that this warning comes from the ambassador of a nation that has fought three wars for its very survival since World War II:
Israel's Ambassador to the United States Danny Ayalon said on Tuesday morning that Iran is the biggest problem facing the world since World War II.
The loss of any one of the wars Israel fought in 1948-1949, 1967, or 1973 would have resulted in the total destruction of Israel and the death of most Israelis. I assume Iran starts the cheat and retreat game within three weeks, though in this case Iran will cheat and Western Civilization will retreat. I'd rather write that the Iranian government has three weeks to capitulate or face utter destruction, but I am a realist:
Ayalon, in an interview to Reuters, stated that he believed Iran's nuclear program would be blocked by diplomatic, not military means.
Because, I guess, history is chock full of situations where bullies are cowed by sternly-worded communiques.
I think the Eagles already addressed what comes next:
An astonishing mist-shrouded "lost world" of previously unknown and rare animals and plants high in the mountain rainforests of New Guinea has been uncovered by an international team of scientists.
Among the new species of birds, frogs, butterflies and palms discovered in the expedition through this pristine environment, untouched by man, was the spectacular Berlepsch's six-wired bird of paradise. The scientists are the first outsiders to see it. They could only reach the remote mountainous area by helicopter, which they described it as akin to finding a "Garden of Eden".
How long before there's a heloport or an airstrip nearby to allow the bona gentes of the "right" people, say, Leonardo DiCaprio, to experience the magnificence of this paradise and broadcast the importance of the hoi polloi staying far, far away.
We have another winner!
Rodney Dill: Rumor has it that Saddam's defense attorney's have been coaching their key witnesses.
Of course, having only one entry made it an easy decision this week. I didn't think this would be that hard (Ed. Why do you assume people are reading?). Look up for a new contest.
When life gives you lemons make lemonade. By getting two entries this week I will increase the participation by 100%. Always, always aim high! Hmm..., I wonder what picking a cartoon might do for my sitemeter... ?