January 05, 2005

No, No, No, No

American Giggle-o:

Actor Richard Gere has recorded a TV commercial urging Palestinians to vote in their election Sunday. In a transcript obtained by The Associated Press, he said: "Hi, I'm Richard Gere, and I'm speaking for the entire world. We're with you during this election time. It's really important: Get out and vote."

Palestinian people: By all means vote, but please understand that I am not with you. And I certainly don't remember sigining any proxy for Richard Gere to speak for me. But perhaps I should be pleased that your culture hasn't yet been infected with the cult of celebrity as mine has:

The spot is apparently an attempt to use both glamour and religion to get Palestinians to the polls. It will air soon. It's unclear what kind of sway Gere may have with Palestinians. One man who appeared with him in the spot said he'd never heard of Gere.

Such ignorance is bliss. Meanwhile in fantasyland:

North Korea has ordered its citizens to be ready for a protracted war against the United States, issuing guidelines on evacuating to underground bunkers with weapons, food and portraits of leader Kim Jong Il.

Protracted? I don't think so. I sincerely hope this is just more silly bravado from North Korea. If not, the fourth largest army in the world is going to have a short, exciting life. But their fifteen minutes of fame will have significantly more existential meaning than Amber Frey's:

Amber Frey, the buck-toothed, baby-voiced massage therapist from Fresno who briefly loved Scott Peterson before she tried nailing him to the wall, will not be ignored.

The woman talented enough to have acquired faith in God, the services of a murderous lover, and a high-powered publisher has added her name to a memoir nearly as slim and shallow as she is.

As a public service, here's a cheat sheet to "Witness For the Prosecution of Scott Peterson." I'll skip over Amber's tedious whining about her life as a single mom and cut to the naughty bits, because this is an important book...

Amber's Dating Tip No. 1: A Mom has Needs, So Plan Ahead...

Dating Tip 2: You can't be too thin or too easy...

Dating Tip 3: After the Binge, Don't Forget the Purge...

Dating Tip 4: When Short on Ideas, Shed Clothes.

To be fair, we already knew Scott Peterson wasn't all that bright, but jeez. Meanwhile, something that reminds me of the saying that minor surgery is what happens to other people:

The International Space Station's main oxygen generator has failed, forcing astronauts to use an emergency back-up air supply, according to Local 6 News. NASA officials said Russian Cosmonaut Salizhan Sharipov and crewmate Leroy Chiao are not in any immediate danger and engineers are confident that some backup procedures and in-flight repairs can keep the two astronauts breathing easy, Local 6 News reported Wednesday morning. It is believed that there are enough reserves onboard the space station to last its crew at least another 60 days if there are no other mechanical failures.

Well, let's hope that NASA officials and engineers confidence is warranted and that there are no more mechanical failures then, shall we? But where the heck is Local 6 News located to report on this story?

Posted by Charles Austin at January 5, 2005 03:40 PM