August 04, 2004

Captions Aweigh

Woo Hoo! I won the Nuance And Courage Twin Awards at Captain's Quarters this week. I have had to seek alternate outlets for my creative sluices now that Dodd has folded up shop. And now on to this week's favorite moment of zen...


"Holding these ears of corn as I do now, and realizing the nutritional value of this fruit (sic) of the plains and the jobs that are generated by these golden kernels... reminds me that a was a lieutenant in Vietnam..."

"Teresa has asked that you make her a corn silk purse from these soused ears. Have it done by 5:00 this afternoon."

"Do you know who I am? Does this help jog your memory?"

"I am Cornholio!" the candidate yelled to the crowd at his daughter's urging, making a mental note to ask Vanessa again later who Cornholio is.

The corn, bread and circuses approach also failed to lift John Kerry in the polls.

"The one in my right hand kinda reminds me of John Edwards and his perfect hair."

"Aw, shucks. Shucks? Is that the right word?"

"Little people of Iowa, I love you a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck."

Maybe John Kerry's trying to milk these ears of corn judging from the way he's holding them, although I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's actually juggling three ears of corn and the picture has been cropped to eliminate the third ear. But on second thought my first impression was probably correct.

Well, at least President Bush knows what to with an ear of corn.


Posted by Charles Austin at August 4, 2004 01:51 PM

Is the day ever really complete without a Beavis and Butthead reference?

Posted by: Eric at 04:29 PM

You are teh funny!

Posted by: michele at 07:57 PM

Bush knows what to do with an ear of corn, but why is he eating raw corn that isn't ripe?

Posted by: Sam at 02:55 PM

Next time John Kerry goes to the corn belt, he won't ask people to lend him their ears.

Posted by: J Bowen at 05:41 PM

Sam, as soon as an ear of sweet corn is picked, the sugars begin breaking down into starch.

Sweet corn picked at 80 degrees will continue to respire at a rapid pace, releasing 400 milligrams of CO2 per hour. This CO2 is being generated by the breakdown of sugars. The more respiration continues, the more that sweet corn becomes "unsweet" corn. Cooling corn from 80 to 70 degrees cuts the respiration rate in half. I pick my corn in the cool of the evening and then immediately pack it in a crate with a jug of ice in the center and topped off with crushed ice. Twelve hours later, I'm selling it at the farmers' market and my customers can't get over how sweet and delicious it is.

There are newer hybrid varieties that have a slower sugar breakdown rate. But, no matter how much the rate is slowed down, it isn't stopped; so an ear of corn is always sweetest right after it is pulled from the stalk.

As to whether that ear Bush is gnawing on is ripe or not, not all corn is yellow with large kernals, there are plenty of varieties of white sweet corn.

Posted by: Lynxx Pherrett at 09:50 PM

Down on the farm, we'd get a large steel tub and put some ice water in the bottom. Then we'd pick enough sweet corn to fill the tub with ears packed so the tops would be up until we were ready to cook them later that evening. That was before any of us knew what Lynxx has decribed. Just some of that folk wisdom those of us in flyover country have, I guess.

Posted by: charles austin at 10:49 PM

That's what I meant by soused ears, by the way. Sometimes I'm just far, far too obscure.

Posted by: charles austin at 10:52 PM

I grew up on a farm with all kinds of corn, and I understand there are many varieties and many people prefer young corn as well. It just appears to me that Bush is eating raw corn because the silk is still intact. Here in WI, that just ain't how we do it.

Posted by: Sam at 06:20 PM