January 07, 2004

I Want My CourtTV!

Look at them yo-yos:

Cable TV made a West Bend man addicted to TV, caused his wife to be overweight and his kids to be lazy, he says. And he’s threatening to sue the cable company. Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from Charter Communications to settle what he says will be a small claims suit. Dumouchel blames Charter for his TV addiction, his wife’s 50-pound weight gain and his children’s being “lazy channel surfers,” according to a Fond du Lac police report.

If everybody had a remote
Across the USA
Everbody'd be surfin
Doin' it the Tivo way

According to the report, Dumouchel told Charter employees he plans to sue because his cable connection remained intact four years after he tried to get it canceled. The result was that he and his family got free cable from August of 1999 to Dec. 23, 2003.

Cable for nothin' and your chicks for free. Oh, that ain't workin.

“I believe that the reason I smoke and drink every day and my wife is overweight is because we watched TV every day for the last four years,” Dumouchel stated in a written complaint against the company, included in a Fond du Lac police report.

I'm sure we can come up with another plausible cause for each of these afflictions if we just try hard enough. For instance, maybe the Patriot Act had them afraid to leave the house.

“But the reason I am suing Charter is they did not let me make a decision as to what was best for myself and my family and (they have been) keeping cable (coming) into my home for four years after I asked them to turn it off.”

I guess taking five seconds to manually disconnect the physical cable never occured to him. Perhaps Dennis Kucinich is right about the mind control satellites.


Posted by Charles Austin at January 7, 2004 06:58 PM

I think he misplaced the 'because'. It should probably read, "The reason I smoke and drink every day is because my wife is overweight...".

sorry, that's not nice.

Actually, the proper response from the judge would be (I'll try to limit the technical legalese) as follows:

"Fat and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Posted by: Jon at 10:02 AM

Dean Wormer's admonition to Flounder was, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." That seems wholly apropos here.

Posted by: charles austin at 11:10 AM

Somehow I doubt there was anyone standing over him and his family with a loaded gun pointed at their heads and forcing them to watch television.

Posted by: Angela at 04:07 PM